Holy hell is it that time of year again? The time of year when all the pale and sweaty nerds rise out of their hovels and gather in one place in hopes of gathering free swag and see minute glimpses of games that may or may not be. Something I can only dream of doing since I can’t go, forced to be content with watching online from my own hovel. Well it should be a hell of an E3 this year with every developer rushing to show off what new shiny graphics they’ve made for the next gen. Except for Nintendo of course who, for some years now, has only done pre-recorded announcements. The same thing they do periodically year around ironically. It might be the smart move though when you consider the way every other developer puts their foot in their mouth during press conferences. Like when Sony tried to convince us 600 dollars wasn’t completely asinine for a PS3. Although if I knew that they would remove the ability to play PS2 games I might have been more persuaded. Or the more recent example how Microsoft tried to release the XbOne, convincing us that all the limits were for our own good while simultaneously taking them all back.

I’m looking forward to this E3 because there seems to be a lot of games being revealed or announced this year, many of which I’ve been waiting for. I’m not really interested in games that we already know about, how Sony and Microsoft will parade around Batman like a show pony. I don’t care, Batman comes out in a week and I pre-ordered it years ago, I want information on unknown games. Ok, that’s not entirely true. I’m slightly interested in games like Uncharted 4, Persona 5, Naruto 4, Mad Max and Yoshi’s Woolly World. To be fair I am more interested in the Yoshi bundle with the yarn Yoshi Amiibo. The power of cute and awe over powering my usual male macho, like the Iron Giant or the BFG. There are other games I hope pop up but below are my top 5, some may not come up at all but you never know.

Number 5 we have the new Zelda, not much is known about this game in general. We had an exciting trailer displaying the new Zelda game design at the last E3, which was great but then it just vanished. I thought it would appear in a couple different Nintendo Directs but it still hasn’t resurfaced. Not sure if this is good or bad but Nintendo definitely seems to think they have a lot to offer this year on both 3DS and WiiU.

At number 4 we have Star Wars Battlefront, a game I loved on the PS2 and should be even better online. I have many fond memories of zooming around in various vehicles and blowing shit up. Rolling around as a roller droid and then using General Grievous to tear apart anyone with the poor sense to bother me. However, my concern is that the game is being developed by EA. When I hear someone say EA it sounds to me more like ‘Let the dicking commence!’ EA has won the worst company in the world reward multiple years in a row now and even when they ‘try’ to do ‘better’ they still completely dick us over. It’s just a good thing I play very few EA games and can avoid this. Now they have their dark clutches on a game I really want though and I feel conflicted. Will they completely dick it up? I hope not but most likely yes.

Number 3 is Xenoblade Chronicles X, yes they had a Nintendo Direct on it but that was primarily to show off how the Wii pad is no longer useless. Yet they didn’t have any solid information on a US release beyond the fact that they are still working on it. I know many people disagree with me but I don’t need English voices. I just need to be able to read what the hell I’m supposed to do. Why this is so high on my list is because it is a real large world RPG, which is different from just looking large. Many games now and days claim to be vast or open world to some extent but in reality they are flat and only look large. Xenoblade X reminds me of Shadow of the Colossus, a game that doesn’t need a bigger choir of fan boys, because it doesn’t look vast it is vast, which makes it great. When I’m trying to take on a monster that towers over me it actually feels like I’m fighting a towering monster. Of course I’m also very interested in the robot fights, my preferred mode of transportation.

At number 2 we have Assassins Creed Syndicate, the newest line of the series that I really hope breaths life back into the franchise. I almost didn’t want to put this on the list since it comes out sooner than later but screw it. I have stopped playing Call of Duty because it is always the same thing with some stupide gimmick that I could give two shits about. Last time it was bionic soldiers and before that it was the whitest most American dog ever seen. Assassin’s creed isn’t far off, they mixed up the formula with Black Flag which was good but Unity just fell into the same slump. They don’t even have multiplayer on Syndicate. I don’t mean the co-op multiplayer from Unity either; I mean f-ing hell that was bad; I’m talking about Brotherhood style with player on player throat slicing. So I fear that if this game doesn’t really ‘wow’ me I may drop this franchise as well. So far I haven’t really seen any ‘wow’, just the ability to switch between a male and female character. Something I can’t help but feel was done just to shut up everyone who complained about the lack of a female character in Unity.

As it was pointed out, my number one should only be surprising to those who have skimmed over the majority of my recent posts and in which case, screw you. Number 1 is Fallout 4 a game I have waited many years with great anticipation for, almost more than Portal 3. Will it be at E3? No one really knows but Bethesda has a big announcement and it is speculated to be on Fallout 4. Although it is a lot more likely now that Bethesda has released actual F-ING INFO on the game while I WAS AT WORK OF COURSE. So yesterday, June 2nd, a countdown occurred on the Fallout 4 website and while I haven’t checked yet, I was told it has been confirmed and it is set in Boston like many thought. There is still little beyond a short trailer and there is no release date so hopefully E3 will shed some light on that. There are other things I hope to see but only time will tell. Now if you’ll excuse me, I feel as light and happy as a fairy princess, an impressive feet for a dank, dark hovel dwelling troll.